Yes, you really capture the feelings that a SAHM goes through when she needs alone time. I am at home with my two boys, granted one is at school but I’m still with my toddler and my schedule is beholden to school pick ups, karate classes etc. My parents are 3 hours away, and in laws live in a different country so we are on our own. Now with two it is much more challenging to get scheduled me time on the calendar. When we had one, every Saturday morning was mom at coffee shop time. That’s my favorite thing. Now I might get once a month. It does make a difference that it’s not naptime, or after bedtime, and out side the house. I do miss them when I’m by myself, but that just means I get to enjoy them even more when I get home.
I relate to this a lot. The rare alone times, the guilt you can feel when you take it, and for me, the financial and time burned on my husband. We are raising our kids alone. Unfortunately, my sister has been fighting cancer for the last 5 years. My parents are taking care of a sick adult child while working full time and they just can't help out like they want to and like they used to. We have friends, but no one who would take on our kids for us to take a break. Breaks require paid help, and since money is super tight, breaks are even tighter.
Finally, after 1-2 years of no breaks, I think I lost my mind. I told my husband I could not go on without breaks. He was super receptive and even gave me a small budget to do a full day *self-care* day every other month (he and I will alternate once a month).
I problem I have is when I go I can't think of what to do with myself. It's like I have said no to myself so often that I've stopped allowing myself to think up things I can do for myself. Shopping? Spa? Dance? Sew? No, can't spend money. Everything I used to do cost more than I could afford. It was so hard to allow myself to dream again and allow myself to think of new, creative ways to rest. I've had to refine self-care, without giving up on it.
Also battling being lonely, since my family is so unavailable, while also needing "alone" time was hard to wrap my mind around...
Yes to all of this. I've started working out at home instead of in the gym, so I can take my little gym trips to sit with a book or my knitting in a cafe instead, 3 days a week. It haa been a brilliant trade off!
Abby I love your use of the word ecosystem, it’s perfect. Rest and play (hobbies, exercise, socializing, prayer, learning, art etc.) are absolutely essential to leading a healthy and happy life as a sahm, and to raising our children.
I think it’s so hard not to feel insecure as a sahm. We have to deal with feeling what the outside world thinks about us; we don’t have real jobs, we’re wasting our educations, and our children would be just fine or better off in daycare or school, and it’s just so hard to fend off the feelings of needing to prove ourselves. I struggle with this so much.
Also I think the YouTube moms paint a reality that is so fake and also contribute to feelings of inadequacy. For example I started homeschooling my kindergartener this year, and also have a preschooler and a toddler. I cannot homeschool him with my other children around. It just doesn’t work. My husband watches my younger kids when it’s time for his school or I have a babysitter. Yes a babysitter costs money, but it is far less than private school, preschool or daycare. Maybe it will be possible in the future to school multiple kids at a time but I can’t make it work in this season. I’ve felt so insecure about this but why? Only because I’m comparing my home to what I see online.
I’ve felt burned out many times as a sahm, and I’m working very hard at taking regular breaks and not feeling guilty about it. All self care is useless if I’m feeling guilty about it. It’s a struggle but I’m learning what works for me for to energize me and prevent burnout. For me it’s hobbies-I love pottery and art classes, Torah study, solo walks, at home workouts, meeting friends or family for adult conversations, reading, baths and lots of tea.
Thank you for the post and for everyone’s comments. I’m grateful for this community!
It took me years to figure out if "me-time" as a stay at home mom was even allowed. The mom guilt felt so real. Thankfully, for the last couple years I've found what works for me to recharge. Almost every Sunday, my husband takes charge of the kids while I have a "mini spa day" (as my kids call it) of a hot bath, hot oil treatment for my hair, face mask and read a book for couple hours. This has been so helpful in my attitude towards myself, my family and avoiding burnout. I would highly encourage every mom to find whatever "me-time" looks for her and enjoy it.
Yes, 🙌 I understand what you are saying exactly. I have been a sahm since my oldest son was born (who’s now 5). I also now have a daughter (3), another son (1.5) and another son on the way. I absolutely love getting to spend my days with them and I feel incredibly lucky to do so. But sometimes just having those small amounts of time to just be and to shut your brain off are so incredible & allow me to return to my children with a refreshed energy and mindset. I always miss them so much when I’m away from them but as I’ve become a more seasoned mom, I’ve realized that these times help me fill my own cup and are not selfish, but help me to be a better mom. Whether it’s a workout, a walk by myself, an acupuncture appointment or sometimes just being in a quiet car (IYKYK 😂) Because you can’t pour from an empty cup! I thank God everyday for the gift of my children, and to help me be the best mom I can be to them and sometimes that means taking a step back so you can be fully present with them.
I’ve been a SAHM for 6 years and have homeschooled for 3. I’m with all of my kids 24/7. As much as this is a privilege and I love it…I do need alone time. Every Tuesday, I drop off my kids at my moms and it’s their fun Grandma Tuesday they look forward to. I go home and do chores alone or take a nap, it’s glorious. 😂
Yes, you really capture the feelings that a SAHM goes through when she needs alone time. I am at home with my two boys, granted one is at school but I’m still with my toddler and my schedule is beholden to school pick ups, karate classes etc. My parents are 3 hours away, and in laws live in a different country so we are on our own. Now with two it is much more challenging to get scheduled me time on the calendar. When we had one, every Saturday morning was mom at coffee shop time. That’s my favorite thing. Now I might get once a month. It does make a difference that it’s not naptime, or after bedtime, and out side the house. I do miss them when I’m by myself, but that just means I get to enjoy them even more when I get home.
I appreciate that you understand what I was trying to get across!!
I relate to this a lot. The rare alone times, the guilt you can feel when you take it, and for me, the financial and time burned on my husband. We are raising our kids alone. Unfortunately, my sister has been fighting cancer for the last 5 years. My parents are taking care of a sick adult child while working full time and they just can't help out like they want to and like they used to. We have friends, but no one who would take on our kids for us to take a break. Breaks require paid help, and since money is super tight, breaks are even tighter.
Finally, after 1-2 years of no breaks, I think I lost my mind. I told my husband I could not go on without breaks. He was super receptive and even gave me a small budget to do a full day *self-care* day every other month (he and I will alternate once a month).
I problem I have is when I go I can't think of what to do with myself. It's like I have said no to myself so often that I've stopped allowing myself to think up things I can do for myself. Shopping? Spa? Dance? Sew? No, can't spend money. Everything I used to do cost more than I could afford. It was so hard to allow myself to dream again and allow myself to think of new, creative ways to rest. I've had to refine self-care, without giving up on it.
Also battling being lonely, since my family is so unavailable, while also needing "alone" time was hard to wrap my mind around...
It's a journey. Thank you for your perspective.
I relate so strongly to this and everything you wrote is like I could have written it 😭
Let's meet up for coffee if you're in the Phoenix area. With or without kids!
Yes to all of this. I've started working out at home instead of in the gym, so I can take my little gym trips to sit with a book or my knitting in a cafe instead, 3 days a week. It haa been a brilliant trade off!
Abby I love your use of the word ecosystem, it’s perfect. Rest and play (hobbies, exercise, socializing, prayer, learning, art etc.) are absolutely essential to leading a healthy and happy life as a sahm, and to raising our children.
I think it’s so hard not to feel insecure as a sahm. We have to deal with feeling what the outside world thinks about us; we don’t have real jobs, we’re wasting our educations, and our children would be just fine or better off in daycare or school, and it’s just so hard to fend off the feelings of needing to prove ourselves. I struggle with this so much.
Also I think the YouTube moms paint a reality that is so fake and also contribute to feelings of inadequacy. For example I started homeschooling my kindergartener this year, and also have a preschooler and a toddler. I cannot homeschool him with my other children around. It just doesn’t work. My husband watches my younger kids when it’s time for his school or I have a babysitter. Yes a babysitter costs money, but it is far less than private school, preschool or daycare. Maybe it will be possible in the future to school multiple kids at a time but I can’t make it work in this season. I’ve felt so insecure about this but why? Only because I’m comparing my home to what I see online.
I’ve felt burned out many times as a sahm, and I’m working very hard at taking regular breaks and not feeling guilty about it. All self care is useless if I’m feeling guilty about it. It’s a struggle but I’m learning what works for me for to energize me and prevent burnout. For me it’s hobbies-I love pottery and art classes, Torah study, solo walks, at home workouts, meeting friends or family for adult conversations, reading, baths and lots of tea.
Thank you for the post and for everyone’s comments. I’m grateful for this community!
It took me years to figure out if "me-time" as a stay at home mom was even allowed. The mom guilt felt so real. Thankfully, for the last couple years I've found what works for me to recharge. Almost every Sunday, my husband takes charge of the kids while I have a "mini spa day" (as my kids call it) of a hot bath, hot oil treatment for my hair, face mask and read a book for couple hours. This has been so helpful in my attitude towards myself, my family and avoiding burnout. I would highly encourage every mom to find whatever "me-time" looks for her and enjoy it.
Yes, 🙌 I understand what you are saying exactly. I have been a sahm since my oldest son was born (who’s now 5). I also now have a daughter (3), another son (1.5) and another son on the way. I absolutely love getting to spend my days with them and I feel incredibly lucky to do so. But sometimes just having those small amounts of time to just be and to shut your brain off are so incredible & allow me to return to my children with a refreshed energy and mindset. I always miss them so much when I’m away from them but as I’ve become a more seasoned mom, I’ve realized that these times help me fill my own cup and are not selfish, but help me to be a better mom. Whether it’s a workout, a walk by myself, an acupuncture appointment or sometimes just being in a quiet car (IYKYK 😂) Because you can’t pour from an empty cup! I thank God everyday for the gift of my children, and to help me be the best mom I can be to them and sometimes that means taking a step back so you can be fully present with them.
Happy birthday btw!
I’ve been a SAHM for 6 years and have homeschooled for 3. I’m with all of my kids 24/7. As much as this is a privilege and I love it…I do need alone time. Every Tuesday, I drop off my kids at my moms and it’s their fun Grandma Tuesday they look forward to. I go home and do chores alone or take a nap, it’s glorious. 😂
this was inspiring. ım not married or engaged yet, but I read your experiences to learn how to be a better wife and mother. keep going plssss!!🌸🌸🍀