After 7 Wonderful Years of Marriage...

This is what I've learned. 🥰

After 7 Wonderful Years of Marriage...This Is What I've Learned. 🥰

Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our 7-year wedding anniversary. We got married on May 27, 2018 which was one day under a year from the day we started dating — May 28, 2017. So technically we’ve been together for 8 years!

Last night to celebrate, my parents babysat our children and put them to bed for us which meant we could go out for dinner at 6 PM and then go to Top Golf, which is a super fun date night activity, and be home before 10 PM. All of that sounded perfect to us! We have no regrets about being old fogies and getting up early with our children, so an early date night suited us perfectly. And this was probably the most date-y thing we have done in a LONG time. Normally if we happen to go out for a date, we will do dinner and then come home and spend time together. Rarely will we see a movie. But a date night activity felt like a throwback! And after baby #3 makes her entrance, we won’t be doing many date nights for a while either. So this was a real treat.

To be honest, it simultaneously feels as though we are newly married and also as if we’ve been married forever. Having two small children will make you more aware of time passing, and carrying our third is a sign of just how long we’ve been together. But even just recounting all the things we’ve done together as a couple, all the places we’ve lived, all the trips we’ve taken, I start to remember and realize just how long our relationship has lasted.

And I am so grateful because our marriage is stronger now than it ever has been. It feels like things are only getting better and better! I’m so lucky to have a husband who communicates and grows and encourages the same in me so that we both know that we have become better people through one another. What a blessing to feel loved and held to a standard that makes us improve ourselves every single day. I can’t imagine doing this life with anyone else.

So with that in mind, I thought I’d share a few lessons I’ve learned in seven years of marriage. These days, seven years feels like an accomplishment, but I know there are so many wonderful women who follow me who have been married much longer than that! I’d love to hear your advice in the comments below, too.

1. Separate the pet peeves from the person. Yesterday on Instagram and Twitter, I shared a post about my husband. I wrote, “Celebrating 7 years of marriage to the most wonderful man in the world! 👰💍🤵‍ Our rabbi recently said, ‘If you want to know if someone is a righteous man, ask his wife.’ I can tell you that seven years later, my husband has only proven himself to be more and more a righteous man. I'm so grateful we get to spend our lives together, build a family together, and raise our children with the values we've fought hard to develop as a couple. Please God to many more years! 💕” When my rabbi made this statement, the first thought that popped into my head was that my husband is a righteous man. There was no question in my mind or a moment of pondering — the stark truth of his goodness appeared to me without question. I am so honored to be Jacob’s wife and he truly is the best man I know. It was in that moment that I recognized that all of my petty grievances with him — the silly nonsense that every marriage has, like dirty clothes or messiness or any other piddly nothing — was just not important to the grander scheme of things. That doesn’t mean that those pet peeves will stop bothering me, but it means at the end of the day, if you can recognize that is all they are, you will always remember the core essence of the man you married. And if he’s the man for you, that core essence is a good man.

2. Trust, honesty, and silliness are the backbone of a healthy marriage. These three things have kept our marriage solid through it all. We trust that our marriage comes first — whenever there’s a conflict in our lives with a person or a situation, our life together is the main priority. We make big decisions together and keep our goals in mind so that we don’t often disagree about what the right choice is to make. If someone is being unkind to either one of us, we don’t worry that either one of us will side with the outside party. We love and trust that our relationship is of the highest importance. As far as honesty, we both take responsibility for hurting each other when we are in conflict. There’s no pride between us; if one of us caused the other pain, we own up to it. We discuss ways to avoid it in the future. We communicate about how we can improve. Lastly, being silly! Silliness is what keeps the madness of life from overcoming you. In those moments where it can feel overwhelming, being able to laugh and joke together is what makes marriage so incredibly special. And of course, being silly just for silliness’ sake keeps the young part of your heart alive, too!

3. The highs and lows of marriage are normal. My husband and I have learned a ton from each other, but one of the things I so appreciate about our marriage is our differing perspectives. I often get very stressed when we are going through a slightly more difficult period, questioning if everything is okay between us. My husband doesn’t feel that same anxiety and just accepts that it’s a part of life. On the other hand, because my husband doesn’t often feel the same urgency to resolve tension, I can push us toward a good resolution that encourages us to get back on track. He keeps me sane when I feel worried about a low point; I keep him on the upward trajectory back up to a high point when it’s easy to be a bit complacent. But marriage is chock-full of good moments and bad; of high and low ebbs; and being aware of the roller coaster is so helpful in the early days of marriage. Not every day, not even every week, is a honeymoon period! But your marriage is stronger than the less easy moments. A healthy marriage is made up of two people, and no one is happy all the time, so giving each other room to be human will make your relationship a thousand times easier.

I could go on and on and on, but I’ll stop here. I love talking about relationships and marriage. I used to share a lot about them on my YouTube channel, but for now, I am happy and content to share my thoughts here. How many years have you been married? Share a comment down below!